The Will to Keep Living
by RubyMoonz
Summary: Afters year have passed, Karkat still struggles to find some worth in living. He can't forget those he has lost and even in this new world, he only feels more lonely. In his struggles, he soon meets someone that sees him not only as a young and rude man, but as someone that needs help to keep going in the game of life. (Human!Karkat, Post Sburb, some OCs, and other characters).
1. The Season of Joy

More cold weather and, as John like to put it, the season to be happy and joyful. Karkat didn't really see it. He liked to think that this was some cruel joke on him for being here, for being alive. He pulled the hood over his head and continued down the street to his small one-roomed apartment. Just another day alone in his shitty little apartment, probably have those stupid cup-o-ramens for dinner. Someone had mentioned to him once that he shouldn't cook them in the microwave.

He kindly told them to go fuck themselves.

Karkat shivered, wishing he had brought a heavy jacket to wear over his hoodie. He was walking home from work when the wind started to pick up and snow started to fall. Fucking snow, always sticking to the ground and making a mess. He still remembered when he first saw snow. He still didn't like it, despite Jade's protest of it being the best thing in the world. Karkat thought the stuff was pretty useless and stayed in his apartment when the weather was more cold. Besides, he preferred staying indoors. It was better, more peaceful than outside, with all the noise, with people who constantly bothered him, everything.

Yet at the same time, it was lonely, harsh. He had never felt more alone in his life. John and Jade came to visit spontaneously. Sometimes they brought Rose or Strider or both of them. Sometimes, he just wanted to tell them to fuck off and leave him alone. He didn't want their pity, he just wanted to be by himself. Still, he just couldn't do it. They all seemed like they wanted to genuinely help Karkat get through this so called 'rough patch' he was going through, but he didn't quite understand what the actual fuck Jade was talking about. Was it so hard to believe that maybe he just wanted to be alone? That maybe he was still fucked up from the game? That after everything, he just wasn't...himself.

Of course, that made sense to him. He wasn't a troll anymore. Being a fucking human was confusing, hard, and messy. He missed his old life, a harsh life but still a life he was used to. Humans were too soft, too fragile. It was different than what he was used to. It took John and the others a long time to get him to function in a normal society where he didn't have to constantly watch his back to make sure someone wasn't going to kill him or discriminate him for his blood color, which still was the fucking same. Even if Rose explained that all humans had the same blood color, he still thought it was fucking ridiculous that he had changed so much, yet he still had the same blood color.

Finally! He saw the apartment building! He hurried inside, taking the stairs before he arrived at the second floor. He entered apartment 213 and shut the door with a loud 'thud' before throwing his shit on the ground. He pulled off his hoodie before heading towards the kitchen. The food was something different, when he was trying it out. Some of it sucked while some of it was fucking cuisine.

Of course, his fridge was kind of empty at the moment since last month he had spent some of his rent money to help John out. Stupid Egbert, trying to help out the needy and his friends. He needed to worry about himself sometimes!

Karkat wasn't feeling too hungry, so he closed the fridge door and went over to his bed. Today had been a long one at his work. He just wasn't feeling it today. Everyone at work made sure to stay out of his way when he got crabby. He had almost gotten fired when he made some girl cry because he yelled at her for being the stupidest person on the planet. When Jade heard about it, she reprimanded him, telling him to at least try to be nicer to his co-workers, people he didn't care for. He just wanted everything to be gone.

He touched his dark hair, twisting part of it between his fingers. Karkat found each day becoming progressively harder to deal with. He wasn't meant for this, not meant for this life. At least not by himself.

Hours passed slowly. He did his best to do something, pass the time but he just found himself lagging behind. Karkat would check his computer, see a message from Jade or John but he ignored them. He watched television but nothing interest him enough to keep it on the same channel. Everything sucked.

He found some crackers and ate them before he threw the bag away. His next check would get him the food he needed.

The sun went down, lights on the streets flickered on, noises from other apartments filled the silent room. Karkat told John that he was okay and to fucking go out and have fun for once. He basically told Jade the same, since her evening would be spent with Strider. Fucking douche...

It was late, he should sleep. He had to go to fucking work tomorrow. He paced his room but he wasn't tired, not a bit. This pissed Karkat off because he knew that if he didn't get enough sleep, then he would definitely be chewing someone out tomorrow.

He finally just flopped onto his bed, laying there and looking at the ceiling. Karkat hadn't been getting much sleep as of late. The dark bags underneath his eyes were evidence of that. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to function normally tomorrow, or rather, later today. He just wanted one fucking day where he didn't have to think of anything but his life. Karkat wanted to forget, to not remember his life before.

_'C'mon Vantas, get some damn sleep.'_ He was going to get some sleep. At the very least, he wasn't going to wake up shouting for phantoms that weren't there.

He didn't move from the position on his bed to a more comfortable one. He just wanted to not move at all. If he stayed still enough, breath slowly, then maybe his brain would get the fuckin' clue that he needed to shut down. He was so tired and Karkat knew that someone would inevitably ask him if he slept well. It was the same stupid question, a question that he avoided answering just so they wouldn't worry. They always worried about him but he wasn't a gru-wait! What was the term? He wasn't a baby anymore.

Karkat turn his head to the side, waiting for sleep to take him. His soft hair brushed against his face, his eyes slowly drifting closed.

His apartment was a small, one-room with everything one human needed to live in. His bed was near where the kitchen was, near enough to hear that single drop of water drip from the faucet.

A single drop of water that shattered everything.

Karkat let out a breathless gasp as his eyes widened, his heart raced violently in his chest, and his body shook like he had been thrown outside naked. He couldn't breath! He was frozen in place, he was trapped! The flashes were fast and furious, relentless in showing him the past he longed to forget. Memories of comrades that were no longer alive passed by, images of her blushed teal cheeks, her deep red eyes, her voice, everything. It wouldn't go away as he choked and sat up, looking around.

He was no longer there, no longer in the apartment. All Karkat saw was purple blood splattered around him.

NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

His eyes fell upon her. Beaten, her body was against a wall. She had fallen in battle, teal blood covering her chest from the fatal wound that had killed her. Terezi Pyrope was no more.

He felt his chest tighten but it wasn't enough. Oh no! He saw another friend, a dear friend on the ground. He saw the hole from her stomach, much like one he had seen before but this one, this definitely killed her. Jade blood was already everywhere and she wasn't breathing. She was dead, dead! Karkat felt sick, felt that nauseating feeling. Tears were already streaming down his face as his knees gave out. It was his fault, all of it.

Yet life was a bitch when he saw yellow blood mixed with purple. Too much death, it was all too much.

His moirail...why? And when it came down to it, the juggalo was dead. Everything...why?

Karkat let out a cry as everything went black.

* * *

**Ruby's Notes: Hello all! I have stepped back into the Homestuck fandom once more! This particular story was inspired by a artwork on tumblr, which is linked on my profile, if you wish to see it. While it could be made into a one-shot, I have decided to make this a multi-chapter fic and see where it goes, following Karkat as he plays being a human in the new universe. I will try my best to make this as interesting as possible, keeping characters 'in-character', and just hoping you guys enjoy it. **

**The setting is earth, of course. Everyone should be around their 20's, and the main thing, Karkat is human. Another note, I did not want him to have white hair or crimson eyes just for the fact that he was a mutant on his world, do I really want to be more cruel and have him a freak in ours? Not that he isn't a bit strange. Imagine you becoming a troll and thrust into Alternia and expect to live in that society forever. **

**Anyway! I hope you enjoy. Please leave a review telling me what you think. I wouldn't mind a beta-reader because I do tend to miss some grammatical errors and having someone that is good at making sure characters stay in-character. I'm not sure if Karkat said 'fuck' too many times or not. And each chapter will be vary in length.**

**Until next time, my lovelies. **


	2. Of Distant Memories

_"No!" His hand gripped her arm like it was his only lifeline. In reality, she really was his last lifeline. Everyone...they couldn't be...they were...dead. Karkat clenched his teeth as he looked to Aradia with pleading eyes. He couldn't lose her, not after everything they had been through. "You can't go! It's just you and me! You and me are alone!"_  
_  
__Karkat finally looked away, despair had a tight grip on him. He couldn't look at her, he could already feel the tears welling up. A soft and gentle hand touched his cheek, causing him to look back at her once more. The troll with the mutant blood could only stare at the other who had the closest blood color to him. He never wanted to admit it, but he did feel a closeness to her, and now it was just the two of them._  
_  
__"Karkat." The way she said his name, he could feel his own heart drop. Just the way she looked at him. "This is something _I _have to do."_  
_  
__"No..." he whimpered. The tears just wouldn't fucking stop. She was leaving him alone; Aradia was the only one left._  
_  
__She leaned in, stroking his face. "You have to live, Karkat. For the rest of us." She smiled at him and he could only stare at her, his mouth hanging open slightly. "You are such an amazing leader and it was fun being part of the team."_  
_  
__He watched as her hand pulled away and Karkat felt utterly...lost. Diluted red tears continued to fall down his face. He tried to call her name but nothing came out. She flew towards the monster that was destroying everything. She went to fight with the others. Bright colors and flashes surrounded them and Aradia was entering the fray, like some beautiful warrior._  
_  
__Fuck._  
_  
__Fuck._  
_  
__FUCK!_  
_  
__"ARADIAAAAAA!"_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

_For a long time after the battle, he couldn't help but think that if he really had been such an 'amazing' leader, no one would be dead. He wouldn't be alone right now. He could feel the others looking at him, pitying him. For a long moment, no one said anything at all. What was there to say to the mutant troll freak who was the very last of his kind, that all of his friends were dead, and he was utterly alone in the universe._

_Fucking nothing. They couldn't say anything to him._  
_  
__"I'm sorry Karkat," came the voice of Rose Lalonde. She spoke in a calm and cool way, despite the fact that she had also lost her matesprit not long ago. "Aradia sacrificed herself to save us all." Karkat said nothing, his eyes looking towards the ground. He heard Jade sniffing, as she had cried since everything ended. Strider had placed a firm hand on her shoulder, comforting her. Bastard..._  
_  
__"It was...a heroic death." Meaning Aradia would not be revived, despite the fact she made god tier. She would stay dead._  
_  
__"I know," was all he could say in a toneless voice._  
_  
__Nothing was said for several seconds until John finally broke the silence. "They did it so you could live on in their place." Stupid fucking John! He would have held back tears but there were no more to shed. "You should come with us."_  
_  
__His head shot up and he saw John's hand outstretched to him. He was smiling at him and the others were nodding their heads. Even the other humans, the ones that came after the Scratch. Karkat didn't know what to do. He felt confused and conflicted. Did he even have the right to keep living?_  
_  
__A firm hand pushed him forward and he turned around. Karkat's eyes widened when he saw everyone, even the ones that had died way before the final battle. While not everyone was smiling, they were all at least nodding or giving him a look of encouragement. Terezi was grinning and let out a cackle, waving her hand before she stepped forward. "Go Karkat. Don't mess this up again."_  
_  
__Karkat open his mouth but nothing came out. He didn't know what to say. Terezi placed a hand on his shoulder before everyone gathered around her. Karkat stared at them before turning around and taking a few steps forward. John's smile grew wider and he pointed towards the door. He glanced at the other humans and they looked like they gave their approval. As Karkat passed John, he felt the idiot slap his shoulder. "Go for it!"_  
_  
__Each step, he wanted turn back. Each step, he took a deep breath._  
_  
__He remembered this from before, but this time, he didn't have time to gaze in awe by the new future, by the thought of a new world. No, he had to move forward. Karkat's hand trembled as he reached out. He could feel everyone's gaze on him and he tried his best to keep going forward. His hand firmly grasped the doorknob and he pulled it open, a bright light engulfing him._

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

Karkat woke to himself sprawled on the ground in an awkward position. His body ached and he let out a string of curses as he rubbed his eyes. He moved and heard pops from his body. He rubbed his neck and looked around in a daze. What...happened? Why was he on the ground?

It hit him hard, the flashes and dreams. It took so much willpower to keep standing. His hands gripped his hair and he wanted to scream. Why was he alone? Why was he even alive?

He just couldn't take it. He fell to his knees and cried. Fuck everything. Fuck this life. Fuck John and Rose and Jade and especially Strider. This life, he wasn't meant to live it. What did the others fucking expect him to do? Live in a world where everything just was...

Was...

It all felt so hopeless.

The only reason he moved was when he heard his phone ring. He slowly made his way towards his nightstand, reaching for it. He looked at it and saw it was John. He flipped the stupid thing open, answering in a hoarse voice. "What the fuck do you want, Egbert?"

"Karkat! I was really worried! Your job called and said you didn't come into work today!"

The fuck? What time was it?

Quickly, Karkat checked and it was well past noon! Shit shit shit! "Fuck. Did they say anything else?"

"They asked me if they heard from you because you hadn't answered your phone."

He groaned before cursing some more. This was not fucking happening. "God dammit!"

"Karkat, are you okay? You sound sick or something."

"Fuck you too, John."

"Hey! I'm just trying to help!" Karkat didn't say anything, clenching the phone in his hand. "I'll call them back and tell them that you're pretty sick. I'll call right back!"

When Karkat heard the dial tone, his teeth clenched before he threw the shitty talking device across his room.

He grabbed his jacket and rushed towards the door, wanting to get out of there, not caring that he would worry John or Jade. Karkat just wanted time to himself, to be alone. All of this shit, this fucked up shit, he couldn't take it anymore. He hated this life! What was the point of being there? What did his friend want from him.

Karkat pulled the door open and would have rushed out when he heard a gasp. Attention drawn towards the source, he saw some chick jump back and stare at him with wide eyes. In her hands was a plate of food with the top covered in plastic.

He growled at her. "What the fuck do you want?"

He expected her to either run away or yell back or something. He saw how certain girls reacted to shit he said to them. None of them were like any of the girls he use to know back on Alternia. Then again, troll girls and human girls weren't exactly the same, were they?

The problem with this one, though, was she kept staring at him and it ticked him off more. "What?! You got some staring problem or some shit like that?"

Karkat waited and was just about to push her out of the way before she held the plate out to him. "There was some leftovers from brunch this morning. I made a plate for everyone on this floor." She pushed it into his hands and nodded. "I hope you enjoy it, and next time, I'll make it dinner instead!"

Before the young male could say anything, the weird girl was already dashing down the hallway until she open a door and shut it. He stared after her, his mouth slightly open. What the hell just happened?

* * *

**Ruby's Notes: And that's the end of chapter 2!~ I hope you all enjoyed it. I was kind of fickle on what happen but yeah. Karkat is the only troll that was left alive and thus, became human. I'm not sure if I can explain it really well. I'm really sorry! T_T**

**Anyway, if you haven't figured it out already, there will be a slight amount of OCs in this, along with other characters. Just bear with me okay. I'm trying really hard! I just feel so nervous about this whole thing. I usually stick to HS one-shots. For now, it looks good, yes? Leave a review if possible and tell me how I'm doing. Thank you!**

******Until next time, my lovelies. **


	3. Invitation

John worried too much about him, which caused Jade to worry too. It wasn't something Karkat could deal with. After leaving the apartment building, he went for a walk and to his utter dismay, snow had piled up while he had been asleep. The streets were cleared but drivers still drove really slow, like they were afraid on wrong move and BAM! They'd crash into a lamppost or something to that extent.

The sidewalks were another story.

While they weren't bad, they weren't good either. Karkat almost fell twice, letting out a curse, to which a mother glared at him before grabbing her child's arm and briskly walked away from him. Karkat didn't give a damn. He kicked some snow pile he passed before he continued on his walk. Cold weather sucked! Karkat stuck his hands in his pockets, wishing he hadn't left his apartment now. Maybe he should have eaten that plate of food from that freakishly weird girl. In the end, he thought it be better to save it for when he came back.

Besides, he wasn't feeling hungry, even if his body said otherwise.

Karkat walked around the suburb for an hour, not really giving too much thought on what he wanted to do. He just needed to get away from everything. He was tired, just tired of everything. He just wanted everything to stop for a damn minute so he could think. That was all he wanted. Was it too much to ask?

He didn't know when he started talking to himself or when he sat down, but he found himself in some park, on a bench. Snow was lightly falling, getting in his hair. His nose felt frozen and he mused if he would get 'frostbite', something Strider told him about. Not that he believed Strider much on anything anymore. If he didn't have enough trouble understanding human culture, that jackass took time to make it that much more difficult. He asked Rose about frostbite once and while he understood it was a real thing, it wasn't like to happen to him unless he went somewhere that was below freezing.

Whatever.

All Karkat knew was that he was lost in thought. What was everyone thinking? He wasn't cut out for this, much like he hadn't been cut out to be their leader. He couldn't help but wonder what Terezi would think if she saw him now. Or anyone else for that matter. He would give anything to have them back. Hell, even have them here so he wouldn't be alone in this world. Everything was a fucking experience or some shit like that. Jade said that to him, though not exactly like that.

He was so out of it, that he didn't even notice two people stood in front of him. Karkat snapped back to his new reality and stared at the duo. He instantly noticed the girl from before. Her long black hair was down, framing her face while her brown eyes stared at him. She was covered head-to-toe in winter gear; snow mittens, earmuffs, and all. The guy next to her was a good head taller than her. Karkat could only make out the blonde hair under his beanie and though he wasn't nearly as covered up as the girl, he at least looked warmer than Karkat.

It was the guy that actually spoke to him. "Well looky here! It's Vantas from 213!"

Karkat glared at them and growled, "And how the hell do you know who I am?"

"Who doesn't? You hardly come out of that apartment of yours." The blonde got a mischievous look in those blue eyes of his. "You're not some murdering psychopath, are ya?"

"Dani, don't tease him. Not everyone likes to be teased," said the girl, frowning at him.

He waved her off. "Uh-huh, whatever. The guy doesn't even know I work with him."

What? Wait...he did? Karkat squinted at the blonde, trying to see if he recognized him, but he didn't look familiar, though to be honest, he didn't really give a shit about his so called 'co-workers'. He just stacked groceries and did whatever the manager freak told him to do. It was repetitive work, so he didn't pay much attention to who he worked with.

"Look what I told ya! He doesn't even recognize me!" 'Dani' feigned a hurt expression before pouting like a complete idiot. "C'mon Vantas, shake that empty head of yours and remember my face. I know you can do it, man!"

"Screw you," said Karkat, pushing himself from the bench. He had enough shit to deal with and there was no way he was going to deal with these lunatics.

To his annoyance, the girl jumped in his way and waved her hands back and forth. "Wait! Don't go! I'm really sorry for Dani's behavior. He really is stupid sometimes."

"Hey! I resent that!"

She glared at him, something Karkat didn't think this meek-looking girl could actually do. She turned her eyes back to him, a smile back on her face. "Did you enjoy the plate of food?"

Karkat stared at her, unsure how to tell her he hadn't eaten it yet. He looked towards the ground and was just tempted to leave. When she leaned in closer, Karkat jumped back. "Hey! Ever heard of personal space?"

"Nope! Never heard of it," she said, that smile still on her face. She glanced toward Dani, who rolled his eyes. "Anyway, if you're not too busy, want to come with us? We're going to the coffee shop down the street."

Karkat didn't answer right away, unsure if he should accept or not. It took a while for Karkat to understand the concept of siblings, cousins, and other such relationships. That's why he got easily confused if someone was in a relationship with another that might be similar to a matesprit or something close to moirails. Humans didn't have kismesis but he thought there was a fine line between there being hate and something that resembled black feelings.

Another reason he couldn't deal with people. He didn't understand any of the signals he was getting.

However, it appeared he took too long to answer. The girl, who he still didn't have a name for, grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the direction of the coffee shop she mentioned earlier. "Let's go. No time to waste, now is there?"

"Let me go! I don't want to go with either of you! You're bat-shit crazy for thinking that I'd want to go-" Karkat sneezed, making the girl jump out of the way.

"Oh! Look at you! Just wearing some dingy jacket in this weather," she said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Hey-!"

"Just let it go man. She's on a roll," said Dani, coming up next to him. Karkat simply glared at him.

The girl pulled off one of her scarves, the dark blue one before wrapping it around Karkat, who struggled to get away. "Hold still. I'm trying to make sure you're warm!"

"Get off of me, you crazy bitch!"

She simply rolled with the punches, ignoring all the curses he shouted at her. Who in the world was this immune to everything he threw at them? The girl was finally satisfied with her work before she basically dragged Karkat through the park, with Dani close behind, laughing his ass off. Karkat gave him a dirty look but the girl was stronger than he thought. She would skip and jump around, pulling Karkat along and he tumbled about like a damn idiot.

They were just out of the park when he finally yanked his arm out of her gasp. "I told you! I don't want to go on your stupid date, you stupid airhead!"

He watched as the girl stared at him, much like she had done before. It kind of pissed him off here too but he still expected her to start crying or something. Or maybe even for the guy to come in and beat the shit out of him for talking to his friend, girlfriend, sister, or whatever the fuck these two were, like that. Yet, nothing happened for a good minute. Karkat only stared back, about to walk off for real this time before she spoke. "My name is Faye Everwood. His name is Dani Boulanger."

Karkat crossed his arms. "So?"

Hands on her hips, there was a smirk on her face. "We are inviting you out to grab some coffee with us because you need friends."

"Excuse me?!"

Dani stood next to Faye, a large smirk on his face as well. "Y'see, it gets kind of pathetic when the guy who's been living in an apartment complex for two years hasn't even made contact with anyone. Starts to make you wonder what's up in his life."

"And to clarify, we are not on a date. Kind of gross thinking about it."

"Ouch."

A smile was on her face again. Karkat's wall was starting to fall just a bit. He didn't understand these people at all. Most people left him alone after he shouted at them, called them useless human beings that didn't need to breath on the face of the planet anymore. He didn't mean to hurt people's feelings but he was just tired of being there. He didn't want to deal with anything anymore. Karkat just wanted to get through this life and be done with it. The others shouldn't have given him this chance. He didn't deserve it.

"I would really like it if you didn't leave me alone with him," Faye said, as she moved in closer to him. What was it with this girl and personal space? He looked down at her and saw in her brown eyes some kind of...spark? Shine? She reached out, wiping some snow from his hair before she smiled. "It'll be fun, I promise. And if not, then we'll leave you alone for the rest of the day, alright?"

What the hell was he getting himself into to?

"Karkat Vantas."

"Pleasure to finally meet you, Karkat!"

"I bet he's a pedophile."

"Shut the fuck up, you moron."

"Dani! You made him mad, you stupid head!"

Karkat simply followed as the trio headed towards their destination. He shouldn't do this, he shouldn't go with them. He should tell them to fuck off and be done with it. Probably go back to his apartment and see how bad John was freaking out. Put his phone back together and tell the idiot he was alright. He should leave.

But for once, Karkat kind of wanted to try. Maybe he didn't deserve this life but they would have wanted him to try, wouldn't they?

* * *

**Ruby's Notes: For the time being, I am going to publish these when they are finished. So updates may vary, since I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this 'once a day' update schedule. I might have just jinxed myself. Anyway, here are the first of two OCs. I'm not quite sure where this is going but I'm just letting my inner writer come out. Practice and experiment, I suppose. I hope you guys like it so far.**

**Nothing much else to add. We'll see if I update this tomorrow then, yeah? Reviews are loved, by the way! Helps me gauge if this is good or not.**

**********Until next time, my lovelies.**


	4. Coffee and a friend

He sat uncomfortably in the booth, choosing to sit opposite of the two weirdos that had all but forced him there. Faye chatted with the waitress before ordering a muffin and small cappuccino. Dani decided on just a black coffee before the waitress turned to Karkat. Seeing as he had never been there before, he looked over the menu. Jade and Rose had taken him to a coffee shop once a while back, and though he got them kicked out for over-reacting to the different varieties of drinks, he thought he would play nice this time. He ordered a mocha, not really sure what he was getting but it looked good. He also got a cinnamon roll to go with it.

With that done and over with, Karkat slouched, not really sure what to say.

Faye broke the silence, something he gathered she did often. "So, Karkat, since we're basically meeting you for the first time, how is the apartment working for you?"

"It's pretty shitty, if that's what you're wondering.," he mumbled, making Dani laugh while Faye frowned. "What?"

"You like it, though?"

"I guess. Still pretty shitty and small."

Dani put his elbows on the table and waved at Karkat. "Well you chose to live at Hitherwoods. It's not the fanciest of places but it works when you got a tight budget."

"I think it's very quaint. I don't need much room for all of my things anyway," Faye crossed her arms and nodded, looking very pleased with her answer. Karkat couldn't tell why in the world she would, but he didn't really care either. "But Karkat, why do you live at Hitherwoods?"

"Can't I just live wherever the hell I want?" Karkat saw that he got some stares from the other customers that were near them, so he sunk lower into his seat. Damn people and their staring problems.

"Well, isn't there something you want to do with your life? This is just a stepping stone, right?" she questioned him, tilting her head.

Dani glanced towards her and poked her in the side of the head. "Not all of us have a plan for the future, sunshine."

"Says you, the lazy bum," retorted Faye, rolling her eyes.

Karkat glared down at the table. He knew this was a bad idea, coming here. He must have been pretty stupid to think that this might have given him some answers or that he would figure out what he wanted to do. This life, this human life, was giving him all kind of trouble. On one end, he hated it. Hated everything from John to the two stupid people in front of him, arguing over something stupid.

Yet, on the other end, he wanted to believe that he was trying. The others gave him a chance and though he didn't want to waste it, he just didn't see the point of going on. He felt completely alone in this new world. Sure, maybe John and Jade might be his friends and just maybe Rose was too. Strider was a completely different story, but thinking about the douchebag tended to make him mad, so he tried to think of other things.

"Earth to Karkat! Are you there?" Faye had leaned forward and was waving a hand in his face. "Pay attention, will you?"

He frowned at her. Just as he opened his mouth, the waitress was back with their orders. Faye and Dani thanked her while Karkat mumbled his thanks. She smiled before walking off, attending to other customers. Faye went straight into eating her muffin, chewing on it happily while Dani drank his coffee quietly. Karkat sipped on his mocha, not quite sure if he liked it or not. The cinnamon roll was a different story. It was one of the few sweet things he could stand.

After taking a drink of her cappuccino, Faye sighed. "So anyway, Karkat. If you're not doing anything tomorrow evening, you should come over. I'm having dinner and I invited-"

"Pass."

Her cheeks puffed out and Faye looked a little miffed. It was kind of funny, actually. She looked pretty stupid too. "Why? It's just dinner, on me no less!"

"That sounds dirty. You're talking dirty to him, aren't you?" asked the blonde, grinning at her.

Faye hit him in the shoulder, glaring at him. "Shut up, you pervert!"

They laughed, argued a bit more while Karkat simply watched them. She obviously told him that they weren't a thing but there was something there. They didn't seem like siblings but...Karkat wasn't sure.

"What kind of relationship do you guys have?" Karkat finally asked, deciding to cut to the chase.

Dani looked at him while he took another drink of his coffee before he teased. "What? Still concerned we're dating?"

"No!"

"Dani, shut up. You always confusing people." Faye shook her head before turning to Karkat. "We're step-siblings. Or...use to be anyway."

Karkat blanched. Oh crap, what the hell was that? Did Rose or Jade mention that? He couldn't remember! He could only give a simple. "Oh."

"I really think you should come tomorrow, though. It'll be fun and I think you'll like it. Free dinner~" Karkat continued to sip on his drink, staring at the table. What should he do? He knew that he would have to go to work tomorrow but he would be back in time for the dinner, so there was no point in telling her he had to work. "C'mon Karkat! We don't got all day."

What the hell should he do?

"Faye, thank goodness I found you," Karkat's attention turned towards the newcomer when his mouth open slightly. Before him was a woman with nicely-toned skin, a graceful figure, alluring eyes that were defined by the simple eyeshadow she wore, and she had on some fashionable clothes that really defined her. Her dark brown hair was short but styled perfectly, with the ends curling out. What made Karkat stop though was how similar she looked to...

"Karina! What is it?" asked Faye, tilting her head at the woman.

Those deep green eyes glanced at Karkat for a moment before turning her attention back to Faye. "I hope I am not interrupting. I only wish to chat with you for a minute about tomorrow's dinner, which is still going on, correct?"

"Yep! What did you need to know?"

"I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but a friend of mine has come into town and I invited her. Was that alright?"

Faye smiled softly. "Of course it was. I'm glad you told me. This just means I have to make sure my apartment is extra cozy for everyone that is coming." Karkat couldn't take his eyes off of Karina. Even though this was a real human being, she just had this Kanaya vibe about her. He couldn't shake it and it frightened him. "Right Karkat? You are coming, right?"

He finally looked away, his eyes going back to the table. "I..I'm..."

"Karkat," Karina said the name slowly, rolling it off her tongue. She spoke in such a suave manner, it only reminded him of Kanaya more. "That is a very unusual name."

If it were anyone else, he might have told them to fuck off but he was still tongue-tied. Dani leaned toward Karina. "He's just shy, RiRi."

"I told you Daniel, I do not appreciate the nickname you have given me," the woman sighed, shaking her head before her attention was back on Karkat. "Karina Marian, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Karkat Vantas." he mumbled, slouching down into his seat. Faye was glaring at him, crossing her arms. He gave her a look that said he didn't give a fuck right now.

"I hope I do see you tomorrow Karkat. If not, then another time," she brushed her skirt and pulled the scarf tighter around her neck, she nodded at the other two. "Until tomorrow then, Faye."

"Bye RiRi!" said Dani, waving and smiling like an idiot.

"Good bye, Daniel."

And she was gone. Karkat glared at his cup, frustrated. Why now? Why did he have to find someone now that was so similar to one of his old friends? He was angry, but a tiny part of him, a part he truly did not want to admit at this time, felt hopeful. Sure, she wasn't Kanaya, that much was sure. Yet, Karkat felt a little less alone. She was close, so close that it was scary. If Kanaya had lived, he believed that woman would have been how she looked.

"So Karkat, what's your answer?" Faye seemed determined to get an answer and more so, now that Karkat had shown some interest in Karina. "You should come. I would really like it if you did."

"If only she said the same about me," mumbled Dani. The table shook as Faye kicked him.

Karkat didn't move but Faye wanted an answer. "I'll...think about it, alright?"

Standing, he pulled out his wallet and placed the money on the table. Faye stared at him and asked, "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I got some other shit to do."

"Alright! See you tomorrow then. If you come, anyway!" One last smile before she waved at him. Dani gave him a nod, going back to his coffee before pulling Faye into another conversation.

Karkat left the two and headed out. He slowly made his way back to Hitherwoods. He just had so much on his mind now, his head hurt. One, what the fuck were step-siblings? Two, this Karina person...who was she? She couldn't be Kanaya. There was just was no way since she was, well, dead. Three, did he really want to face Karina tomorrow at the dinner? Besides, why the hell would he want to go? Too many questions and not enough answers! He felt sick and angry! Why now?!

Karkat finally arrived back home, to his cold and dark apartment. He turned on the light and the heater before he went to slump into his computer desk. He saw that he had a shit ton of messages. Mostly from John and Jade, asking where he was and why he wasn't answering his phone or anything. Rose even sent him a message. He groaned a bit before pinching the bridge between his nose. What in the world should he do?

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**Ruby's Note's: Welcome to chapter 4! I hope you all liked this chapter. It's where things start to get interesting, yes? Anyway, still looking for a beta reader, so if anyone is willing to take up the task or know anyone, just send me a pm. Thank you!**

**I would have had this up earlier but I had to babysit today. Still, I just manage to get the deadline. I'll try update a bit faster tomorrow. **

**************Until next time, my lovelies.**


	5. Dinner

After a long day at work, Karkat made his way back home slowly. He still had another hour or so before he was supposed to go over to Faye's. He wasn't sure if he was even going. In truth, he was really scared. After having met Karina, Karkat felt really unsure about where he stood. He knew that woman he met wasn't Kanaya, there was no possible way but some part of him wanted to reach out to her because of how close she resembled the jade-blooded troll. It was like a part of him yearned to receive an answer from another encounter from Karina.

He told Rose about the encounter, since she might make sense of this. The fact that she was Kanaya's old matesprit helped a bit too. Rose suggested that it was some inner part of Karkat that wanted not only to make friends, but replace the ones he had lost. While she seemed interested in this Karina, she was out of town, thus, she would not be able to say much more on the matter until she met this woman. This left Karkat more frustrated because he wanted a straight answer, not some stupid theory that he might be trying to replace his dead friends with human look-a-likes.

Rose simply told him to meet with Karina again, after having gotten over the shock of the similarities. Was it too soon? Should he really go to this dinner? It felt too forced and Karkat was even more conflicted.

Opening the door to his apartment, he threw his stuff on the ground before going over to his desktop. Checking in, he saw that Jade messaged him.

John and Jade had taken it upon themselves to see how Karkat was doing. It was suffocating and it sort of pissed him off but at the same time, it was sort of nice that they cared. He told Jade that he was home and that he was getting ready.

He was going to the dinner. Karkat felt determined to see Karina again. He wanted to put to rest this unsettling feeling inside of him. The only way for him to get over this was to confirm that Karina was just some woman that was similar to Kanaya but was not her at all. Maybe life just wanted to torture him because he had failed. Not just as being a leader but as a friend. Karkat should have been there for everyone, should have known what had been going on with his moirail, he just should have known.

Karkat went to take a quick shower before pulling on some more comfortable clothes. He just finished pulling on his jeans when he heard a knock at his door. Karkat went over to his desktop really quick and when he saw that Jade asked him what he was getting ready for, he typed that he was going out for a bit before he turned his status to 'away' and left to answer the door.

When he opened it, there stood Faye. Her hair was curled at the ends and she was wearing a burgundy wool dress that stopped at her knees. She wore stockings underneath and some boots to go with it. He felt kind of out of place, since all he was wearing was a long-sleeved black shirt with some jeans.

She smiled at him. "Sorry Karkat. I hope I wasn't bugging you but I thought I'd come over really quick and make sure you knew which apartment I lived at."

"Well lay it on me already." said Karkat as she frowned.

She pointed down the hall, where she had ran down yesterday. "Apartment 201, on the left. Easy, right?"

"Yeah, sure."

She leaned in. "You're coming right?"

"I don't know..." he mumbled, looking down. While he said to himself that he was, admitting it was another thing altogether.

"You look ready! Here, come with me." she said, grabbing his wrist and pulling out of his apartment. It was much like she had done yesterday. "Make sure to close your door!"

He barely did so before they were down the hall. She pushed her door open and Karkat entered another's apartment for the first time since he got here. While small, Faye seemed to use every space she had and made the place feel more...homey, as he couldn't think of a better word to use. She plopped him down on her couch before running off to the kitchen. Now that he was here, he actually felt more nervous. It was just him at the moment, so he just sat there. Her heard rustling around from the kitchen and glanced over there. Humming to herself, Faye was moving around and checking everything. She tasted a few things before she caught Karkat staring at her. She beckoned him over. He just turned away, sinking deeper into the couch.

"Stop being such a sour puss!"

"Whatever."

Several minutes passed before he turned back to see what Faye was doing. It wasn't much besides making sure the food was done or nearly done. She was humming to herself again. Karkat tried to ignore it but it was pretty hard. Now that he was here, he actually couldn't wait to leave.

He didn't realize the silence around him until he didn't hear the humming nor the sound of Faye moving around. Karkat whipped around and noticed she wasn't in the kitchen. He moved from the couch and made his way over there. Nothing, she still wasn't there. Karkat looked around, trying to figure out where the hell she went. He tried to think logically about this but screw logic. She should still be around here! He wasn't going crazy was he?

"Karkat?" He whipped around and notice her staring at him. Head tilted, she her expression was one of confusion. "What's wrong?"

Flustered and still mad, he mumbled, "Nothing." Moving is way back to the couch, he sat down. Karkat knew he was being stupid. When he felt her sit down next to him, Karat said nothing. She moved a bit closer and he leaned away. "What the hell is your problem? Invading people's personal space hobby of your's?"

She laughed and tapped her chin. "I suppose you could say that. I just don't have many boundaries. What's the point of personal space and boundaries? Besides, I want to know."

"Know what?"

"Why you had such a weird expression on your face."

Karkat growled at her. "Why does it matter to you?"

He was met with silence as Faye stared at him. It was a thing she did and he wasn't sure why it bothered him or made him shift uncomfortably. A smile appeared on her face and she answered, "Because I want to help you."

Karkat open his mouth to retort but what could he say to that. Maybe kindly tell her to fuck off, though he felt like that wouldn't do much. His foul language didn't bother her as it bothered others.

Thankfully, the doorbell rang and Faye jumped up to go answer it. He should leave. He shouldn't be here.

"Hey Faye! Vantas!" came the obnoxious voice of Dani. Karkat growled in response, not even waving. "Well, sheesh. Nice to see you too."

"Whatever."

Faye closed the door behind and said, "Ignore him. He's being grumpy and frumpy. Anyway, help me get the place ready for the guest. I need you to move some stuff."

"What about Vantas? I mean, why do I gotta move stuff all the time?!" whined Dani, which Faye promptly ignored. "He gets to be lazy! No fair."

"Just shut your trap already!" Karkart grumbled, getting up from his spot to help out, only to shut the idiot up. Faye instructed the two guys on where she wanted the things and scurried to her room before she came back with a large piece of wood. Karkat stared while she told Dani to help out with the table. With interest, Karkat watched as Dani split the table and Faye inserted the wood piece in the middle before the blonde fixed it.

"There! Now to get the plates and silverware. Karkat, can you help me? Dani, there are some extra chairs in the closest." Nodding the other man wondered off while Karkat made his way over to Faye. The young woman was flying around, getting plates with forks and spoons. She handed some of them to him and told him to put them on the table, which he did. When she came over, she said, "You didn't set them up?"

Frowning, he replied with a "No?"

"You're slackin' bro." came a reply behind him and he turned to see Dani carrying a few chairs. Placing them down, he started to put the plates around. "Faye's gonna get on to you if you don't pick up on it."

"I am not!" With a slight pout, Faye went back to the kitchen and appeared to finish her cooking.

Dani shrugged and turned to him. "I'm gonna go take a leak. Make sure Faye doesn't do something clumsy."

"Hey! I heard that!" Karkat rolled his eyes as Dani walked off.

Not sure what he wanted to do next, Karkat just sat down. He felt uncomfortable. If he wasn't so determined to meet Karina again, he wouldn't have came. His dark-colored eyes traveled over to the kitchen area where Faye was swaying back and forth. She just appeared to be finishing something when the doorbell rang again. He saw her perk before turning to look at him. "Hey, can you get that for me? I need to finish this real quick and I should be done."

"Why should I?"

Her cheeks puffed out. "You're getting free food! You could at least help me out a bit more by answered the door."

Rolling his eyes, Karkat stood and headed towards the door. A part of him was nervous, mainly because he thought this might be Karina. His hands clenched and he took a deep breath. Karkat knew that he needed to face this and get over the fact that Karina could not be Kanaya. That jade-blooded troll was dead.

Dead because of him.

He open the door and open his mouth to say something when he stopped. Karina was there and while the resemblance was still striking, it was the woman next to her. Sun-kissed skin, brown eyes, red lips. She had a expression that broke him and for a long moment, he couldn't say anything.

Someone spoke but he couldn't hear them. A faint whisper left his mouth. "Aradia...?"

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**Ruby's Notes: I'm sorry this took so long to update. I'm still trying to find out where this is going. I think I have a general idea but I'm quite worried about how people feel about the OCs and other things. I suppose I'm just worried that you guys won't like this. Still! I'm going to try to update faster since I generally write 2k each chapter for this.**

**Anyway, that's it for now. Sorry if the ending sounds a bit rushed but I should be able to update sooner.**

******************Until next time, my lovelies.**


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